When was the last time you mentally check yourself out from making a decision that could drive your life in a different direction?
Three months ago, Nataly decided to take her job on the road alone for a while, hoping that some life questions would become clearer for herself. She penned her reflections on what ultimately led her to be working and living in Melbourne for 2 months away from her family, newly-wed husband and friends in a public post and I wanted to share it with you.
Nataly was leveraging on a specific Providend HR work arrangement that allowed her to work from anywhere in the world for a duration of time in Providend. I think one of the positives of the pandemic is it allows some companies to trial and push the limits to see what kind of work arrangements are possible.
In certain functions, it is possible for our staff to work remotely, and this allows them to take care of family members for an extended period of time, but also allows them to work in a different context in a place they felt at peace with their family or just somewhere that intrigues them.
In order to work from anywhere to work, you got to have enough trust that your staff can be conscientious, driven & self-motivating enough to work independently.
Five years ago, we took Nataly in as a new brand executive despite having zero marketing & communication chops, after she was broken one-third of the way by architecture school.
In the last five years, she has risen to lead a brand team that was responsible for shaping our story, establishing clear communication with clients and being extremely vital in creating a unique lead generation engine that is responsible for growing our assets under management by 500 million during her tenure here.
Taking an extended trip to find herself was something I know she felt strongly about for some time, to the point that she will incept Trans Siberian Railway Experience ideas and crazy millennial CPF withdrawal exceptions to accommodate Singaporeans with similar aspirations in my head.
As I dove deeper into the topic of financial independence, I find that once you alleviate the financial security for some large financial goals, what is equally vital is to lead a balanced life where you are able to do mildly challenging work that is engaging that has a motivating outcome you can identify with, in an environment among friends.
This has led me to feel strongly that the Coast Financial Independence lifestyle scheme remains the most achievable, mentally and financially balanced FI scheme out there.
And I am quite glad that we managed to create an environment where people like Nataly can lead a balanced life without fulfilling her financial security (yet). And she is not done with Work from Anywhere for 2022 yet.
So here are Nataly’s thoughts about making hard decisions and kids.
For a long time, I thought it was unlikely I would have children.
Not because I felt strongly that I didn’t want to but because I am not sure if I want to give myself so completely to others that I lose sight of my own well-being.
Or rather if I am even capable of doing so.
Growing up, my mum has always tended to everyone else in the family before herself. Because of us, she never thought twice about putting aside her own dreams and loves and fears to be the mum that was always there and always had a solution. Somehow, choosing motherhood relinquished the woman she was before. While not all mothers find themselves in the same predicament, those who do seem to live in a reality dictated by everyone else’s needs.
Even then, my mum never doubted she wanted to be a mum and started a family young.
She did as her mother had done, and what most of her friends were doing at the time. “I never really pre-thought it. It was a normal thing,” she says.
But, as a millennial who grew up in an age where we are empowered and encouraged to seek answers, I often wonder – Should we have children? Why should we have children? What rights do children who are going to be brought into the world have? Are we really doing them a favour by bringing them the ‘joy of existence’?
Is it selfish to want to bring another human being to this world simply because we want to experience what parenthood is like? Especially when the world is suffering from a climate crisis and holding dystopian views of where it will go in the future. There could be wars over limited resources, collapsing civilisation, failing agriculture, rising seas, melting glaciers – all within the range of possibilities, if not necessarily the most likely outcome.
So while I love children and have absolutely no qualms babysitting my two nephews, my concerns about a warming, divisive world and the need to step away from a lifestyle I enjoy always bring me to a 50/50 stalemate. Not to mention the defiant instincts against well-meaning but careless remarks like ‘You will regret not having kids when you’re old.’ that occasionally turn it into a 60/40.
With these thoughts lingering at the back of my mind through the years of early adulthood, I was reminded that the gift of making hard choices is that they can be self-reinforcing when I chanced upon this TED talk video on ‘How to make hard choices?’ by Ruth Chang, a lawyer turned philosopher whose academic research revolves around choice and decision making, on a routine LinkedIn scroll:
Essentially, Ruth’s advice on making hard decisions boils down to a simple principle: When it comes to big life decisions, choices are often hard because neither option is better than the other. But we have the power to make an option better and more appealing for ourselves.
The key is to just go for a choice and commit to it. By doing so, it becomes the better choice because we work hard to instil it with value. By committing, we can make something the right choice for us.
In her exact words, she said, “This response in hard choices is a rational response, but it’s not dictated by reasons given to us. Rather, it’s supported by reasons created by us. When we create reasons for ourselves to become this kind of person rather than that, we wholeheartedly become the people that we are. You might say that we become the authors of our own lives.”
Ruth’s speech probed me to think beyond the “should I or shouldn’t I” question and changed my perspective from having to make the right choice to just deciding and making it right.
With that, I started looking deeper into other areas that can better help me commit to a decision, my decision to have children. For instance, where and when do I want children, what do I need to get done first, what kind of mum do I want to be and how I can minimise my ecological footprint to play a part in protecting the environment – all so that I can perhaps reconcile my concerns with having children eventually.
Shortly after, I found myself speaking to my partner, my family and Chris (my direct supervisor at work) about an elaborate travel plan, something I have been meaning to do and further fortified as part of my ‘pre-preconception game plan’. Besides the desire to experience the pure joy of adventure, I was in search of a larger sense of freedom. My rationale is that I need an opportunity to spend money and time thinking only for myself, to fully immerse in quiet, free time and spontaneous travel with pockets of non-obligation. It is a time when I can still afford to make selfish decisions without it being a bad thing. After all, it would no longer just be about me once I become a mum.
Before I know it, I have been remote working in Melbourne for a month now. For the past month, I could walk the city’s streets for hours and hide in galleries all day. I could have breakfast at 3 pm and eat Coco Pops for dinner. I could wake up on a Thursday morning and decide to rent a car over the weekend for a day trip out because I saw a beautifully taken picture of the Werribee Gorge (probably heavily photoshopped) on Melbourne’s TimeOut. I could take all the time I want snapping pictures of llamas grazing the grass by the country road. I could work by the beach with sand between my toes and pick seashells when I need a break.
Once in a while, I do feel a pang of guilt for leaving my newlywed husband back in Singapore to take a professional exam and my 22-month-old nephew who would still occasionally open my room door to check if I am back before he heads to school. But to borrow an overused old adage, absence made my heart grow fonder and even more grateful.
Embarking on this trip has definitely not been all smiles and gerberas, something I hope to share more in my next article, but I already know it would be worth it because it mentally prepares me for the potential insecurities I know I would have of my life choices if this trip did not happen.
We are doing the most unique giveaway ever on Investment Moats.
Nataly would like to hear your own thoughts or thoughts your friends and yourself had on your struggles in deciding whether to have children in the past. How do your spouse and yourself eventually land your current position? Did you have any regrets about how you would do things differently?
In return, Nataly will be selecting and giving away 5 sets of Nail Wraps from her personal shop the nakinn lab:
All you have to do is to leave your thoughts in my comment box below and Like her Instagram page.
This is a guest post written by Nataly Ong, brand lead at Providend Ltd. She is currently plotting the second leg of her 2022 Work from Anywhere expedition in Vietnam. You can connect with Nataly over on LinkedIn. If you are interested in nail wraps, also visit her at her shop the nakinn lab on Instagram.
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Wednesday 15th of June 2022
Liked the Instagram page already.
Similar consistency with Ruth TED video shared. It is a decision. Love is a decision. My apologies I bring faith and religion into this. God simply decided to love us. Hence a salvation plan despite our sinfulness.
I do think it is important to leave Earth a better place before we leave it. Children are the future. Sure, they make up only say 20% of a population but they are sure 100% of our future. And I believe you got good genes, and as such, are obligated to pass them on!
I have met up with Kyith in person, and I’d like to meet Nat in person too. Hopefully I can win this giveaway for my wife.
Sunday 19th of June 2022
Thanks Isaac for the sharing!