There is this story that caught my attention not too long ago.

A lady that work in corporate communications was suppose to travel to South Africa to visit family members. While she is at the airport, she decided to take to Twitter to twit some acerbic jokes.

The first one was: “‘Weird German Dude: You’re in First Class. It’s 2014. Get some deodorant.’ — Inner monologue as I inhale BO. Thank God for pharmaceuticals.”

That sounds OK.

The people that would see her tweet numbered 170.

Somewhere before her flight took off she twitted:“Going to Africa. Hope I don’t get AIDS. Just kidding. I’m white!”

She boarded the flight, flew a lot of hours and landed in Cape Town.

Little did she realize, in the few hours in the air, her tweet had went viral:

• Her last twit became trending world wide
• She became an overnight hate figure because people couldn’t get the joke in her twit and branded her as a racist
• During her flight time, the tweets got so out of control that people were trying to spot whether they can find her in the Cape Town airport
• Workers were threatening to go on strike if she showed up at one of their hotels
• She got chided by her relatives upon reaching that this was not what their family stood for
• She lost her good job

Your Life could be easily taken away from you in This Social Culture of Ours

Never have we been so connected to each other, and people we do not know in our lives.

A lot of people upon reading this account, would think that this lady, Justine Sacco is stupid.

I think it is not so straight forward.

Some people really couldn’t think of the repercussion or the severity of the messages they put out in their social media.

However, to be popular in the social media, it does involve pushing the lines between what is acceptable to be done and what is not.

And it is very easy for us to cross the line.

Ms Sacco did reason in her head that how can anyone believe that if you are white you will not get aids. However, what got people angry with her is how she flaunted her white privilege around.

Bet in her reasoning she did not think about that.

And social media is rather unforgiving about this.

Social Media have taken vigilantism and social bullying to a new level.

Further examples of Negative Consequences

Lindsey Stone is a 32 year old from Massachusetts who posted a picture in a cemetery with the sign “Silent and Respect” where she pretended to scream, with a middle finger in one of her hands.

She and her co-worker posted the picture online as a naughty joke about disobeying signs.

However, some strangers found her photos and turns out her private photos were visible to the public.

The public’s interpretation is not about the disobeying signs but a blatant mocking of the dead.

She got her very own “Fire Lindsay” Facebook Page.

Lindsay was working in a program for developmentally disabled adults, was fired from her job.

Facebook was filled with messages denouncing her behavior.

She developed post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression and insomnia. She doesn’t venture out of her home. She spent her time reading up the stories of people in the same situation as her.

It is not just the victims that will feel the wrath.

Those who became the vigilante, who took the photos also got the shock of their lives.

This one was really innocent in my opinion.

A man, was in the middle of a conference. He began telling a rather obscene joke to his friend (something about a big dongle).

He thought this conversation won’t be over heard.

Unfortunately, a lady thought that was really not appropriate, stood up and took a photo.

The man didn’t even notice, and thought the lady was taking a photo of the conference, so he did the courteous think and looked forward.

The lady, who had 9000 twitter followers, tweeted that wasn’t very cool.

The man a day later was fired from his job.

That woman, soon felt the power of the social media herself.

The man who lost his job posted  about it on Hacker News, an online forum popular with developers. This lead to a backlash on the other end of the political spectrum, the so called men’s rights activists.

They found the lady’s home address, send a bunch of death threats on Twitter, Facebook and even to her home.

She had to stay with her friends.

The kicker was that, her employer’s website was subjected to a denial of service attack (DDoS). Her employer, SendGrid, was told of the attacks would stop if they fired the lady.

On the same day she was let go. She was shocked that her company threw her under the bus.

There are enough examples on a local context.

• A Singapore PR Anton Casey was fired from his job for remarking that people who take public transport are poor people Link >>
• A maths tutor and the shareholder of her tuition agency got into an altercation with an elderly man. Their identities was found out and subsequently made as an example on social media Link >>

You will lose your Reputation and everything will Spiral out of Control

Did these people get what they deserve?

I can remember I have friends making racist remarks and obscene jokes.

The same people who commented that these people got what they deserve for making stupid comments that, they will never make.

As a person that is in the public space, all these vigilantism of uncovering your private information is very unsettling.

Investment Moats could possibly be one comment away from being severely exposed.

Whether you deserve it, or you have your own version of the story that may be the truth, it doesn’t matter.

Your company would take the safe route and not be associated with you.

Your friends will take the safe route and not be associated with you.

You lose your reputation (wrongfully or rightfully) and you have no way to earn in this country.

Your only avenue is to hopefully moved abroad to rebuild your life.

How can we Mitigate or Avoid the Effects of these Privacy Exposure?

I think the best way is to not play this game at all. Many felt that this social media can be rather innocent, until they been hit by cyber bullying, keeping up with the Jones.

Social media channel is not free. You give up your privacy in order to try and earn some social capital. And you need to manage your social reputation.

Curate your online persona to the best of your ability. Have a filter in your head, do you want to be associated with something that you fired out?

The best is to have an anonymous profile.

Don’t assume that your bond-like career won’t have default risk. The worse case scenario for a bond holder is when the bond issuer is unable to pay the returns for you lending them the money. In real life, some of us work in the civil service, or got into a position where your job seems rock solid.

Due to the bond like nature of their job, they can take a large amount of leverage, purchase a more expensive car, afford to save less.

They plan their life with the assumption that very little negative effects will happen in their job.

If you look at some of these cases, particularly the one where the guy made an obscene comment, that could well be anyone of us.

Building up your wealth for financial security is always a worthwhile insurance against these black swan events.

War-game in your head in the event that you lost your reputation, what could you do? Could you live a hermit life for a long while to avoid the public eye. Is your skill set strong enough to go to another country and work as an expat? Could you  go to New Zealand and pick strawberry?

War gaming is a concept that I have mentioned in the past of going through what you will do in the event of some likely and less likely scenarios happening. This is a concept more prevalent in the army however it is applicable to our personal lives.

The Last Word

I think people like to peer through social media and take a look at these news because their life is too boring without it.

What happens if it features someone you know?

I tend not to participate in these discussion. Perhaps I have more empathy for the central characters because experience tells me things are often more than meets the eye. And that, if the same thing that happen to me, I wouldn’t want so much attention as well.

Personal finance in this case might not be rather helpful. An emergency fund won’t last you enough for a long hiatus. You might struggle to sell off your property with the negative publicity

The only helpful thing about personal finance is, through the pursuit of the subject, you develop enough flexibility in your head that you can squeeze money out to fund your overseas hermit life that others would struggle to do.

Have any of your peers been in this situation? Have you thought about situations like this and how you could go about navigate it? Let me know.

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2 years ago, My colleague shifted to another team, and he got to know a new colleague of his.

The first thing he noticed during a few lunch sessions with this new colleague is that this colleague picks food that were well-priced. It looks like this gentlemen is quite the value eater. He eats simply and the more my colleague got to know him, the more he realize what a frugal lifestyle this gentleman have.

After a few months, they got to know each other better. Then more was revealed.

Turns out, this gentleman wasn’t feeling all so satisfied about his situation. To others, living this way seem to be a very responsible way to live. Who can fault someone for not anyhow spending his or her money?

Yet, the reason that he has to selectively pick his food was this: When he started work not too long ago, he and his girlfriend got to know this insurance adviser. He thought by buying an insurance savings plan, it is a good way to be responsible and save money.

So he went ahead and commit an insurance savings plan, a whole life insurance.

The total premiums per month comes up to $1,800/mth. The problem is that his gross salary was only $3,000/mth and thus his take home salary is $2,400/mth.

There is not a lot of room for him to play with! So you can imagine why he has to be thrifty with his money.

The more my colleague observed, the more he realize this guy isn’t enjoying living this way.

Frugality by Circumstances

What my colleague came across is not uncommon.

You may have seen such examples. A friend eats caipng (mixed vegetable rice) every meal, always making sure she doesn’t pick more than $3.50. Will only go out with friends once in a while. Dreaded it when colleagues pick eatery which costs a bomb.

Secretly, she always wonder when she can stop this way of life, when she can eat what she wants, wherever she wants.

A lot of time, they are thrifty due to their circumstances.

1. They got into debt, and they have to pay off the debt monthly by minimizing other expenses
2. Renovation and Banquet is coming. They have to reluctantly save for these items

Frugality should be by Your Own Choice

Frugality is a focus not on being cheap. Frugality is a way of life where you choose to buy things that are of value.

I look at frugality by circumstances as a form of false frugality.

The main reason for that is that frugality by circumstances has an absence of belief in frugality. One key trait here is the lack of ownership.

When you believe in the frugal way of life, you have a strong sense of ownership in the decisions you make in life.

You choose to not spend this amount of money today because you belief that in the future, this amount of money is spend in something that provides you more value.

You do not spend this amount because you do not place a high value of what you are thinking of purchasing.

If you do not own your decision, or a lack of understanding of why you do things the way you do, you will make a decision, and be trap in the prison of the repercussion of your decision.

Shift to Appreciate the Fruits of your Choice

It can get very tiring and draggy to live a life of saving money or paying off debts.

One way I find it more acceptable was to define why the hell we are doing all these for.

If the fruits of doing this is REALLY worth it to you, then it makes it very worthwhile to work towards it.

Here are some examples.

What happens when you cleared off a huge debt? The reward is that no one owns you anymore! Well, your boss still owns you, but you don’t have to live with the constant hounding by the banks the moment they realize you are not keeping up with your debt repayment.

You value debt freedom.

Why do you not want to spend so much on your mobile phone plan and internet broad band? You conclude that it does not make sense to spend extra money, buying more data or bandwidth, to carry out more web surfing that does not give you a lot more enjoyment then what you are currently using. The reward here is the ability to tell yourself you didn’t do something you think is entirely irrational and stupid.

You value how people or yourself see you as a rational person.

Why do you save money for your home renovation and banquet? It is because you anticipate living in a home of your own and want to furnish it in such a way that you will look forward to staying inside it for a long time and that you cherish your relationship with your spouse and your mutual family.

If you question this reward, then perhaps you should not be frugal for this reason.

If you understand frugality well, you might not save as much for a particular purpose as you don’t believe enough in it.

Frugality is about finding your values and allocating your resources well based on your values.

This article is part of my Redesigning Life Series. If you like this, you may be interested in my other articles that provide actionable advice to plan your life for the better and shift your mindset philosophically.

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Eating has always been something that is less of a concern for me.

There the the people that live to eat. And then there are the people that eat to live. I belong to the latter group. This means that I do not have an acquired taste or that I am picky with food.

As long as there are adequate quantity and the food is not prepared in a very poor manner (I have high tolerance for poorly cooked stuff trust me)

If you have auto-immune problems like myself, it helps to take on your problem as a project, and change the portfolio of food that you consume. This may nip your problem totally, or in a lesser extent improve your quality of life. I have experimented and shifted what I consume wildly but systematically in the past. It helps a lot that I eat to live and that I eat a predominately low carbohydrate meal therefore I do not feel hungry often. (There is a hormone called ghrelin in your stomach that triggers the signal that tells you its time to feed. Carbohydrates suppressed ghrelin fast but also rebounds fast. This means that while it makes you feel full, it does keep you satiated for long.) You have to eat adequately in the amount of calories as well.

Last year was unique.

I have always meal prep my standard lunch at home to bring to work (you can read a comprehensive meal prep article here). I look forward to my lunch. If you prepared a meal that does not interfere with your health problems, delicious, adequate, you will always prefer eating it compare with the food outside.

However, during the end of the year, something happen.

I felt that what I prepared was not enough, and have the feeling I need to supplement what I eat with one more meal that I can buy outside.

So there are days where I eat practically 2 meals for lunch.

There was also days where I need to feed during 3 pm.

It is only after a few times that I did this, that I was able to think about what I did. And I was shocked about what I did.

After reflecting a fair bit, I realize what caused this:

1. I wasn’t happy with something at work
2. I enjoyed the act of lunching so much that I want to preserve the length of it by eating
3. I got bored during the period of 3 to 4 pm

The amusing thing is that non of the line items above has got anything to do with being satiated (feeling full).

Filling up a Void that we might not realize it’s there

We all deal with our demons in different ways.

Sometimes, we won’t even know we have demons in the first place.

And what we do often is try to hide problems as further into the background as we can. We put up layers in front of the problem in the hopes that things do not get uncovered.

In other cases, it is because we were missing something and we tried to fill it up by using something that seems the easiest for us.

Filling up voids is more common then I thought.

1. We have too much free time on our hands

With the proliferation of the smartphone in 2007, the way we work have changed a lot. It used to be that if your job sucks, or when your job is lax, there is nothing you could do about it.

With 3G, 4G internet access, it enabled us to fill our intermittent downtime at work with scrolling through Facebook and Instagram feeds or engage in online games. Sometimes I am amazed that we will still have people complaining about their work environment. Do they want to go back to a period where they do not have a smartphone competent to gain access to these entertainment.

These activities became our daily habits. This means that despite what our brain tell us, we will scroll through these feeds and open up these games.

Majority of why we do this is because we do not have a better way to spend these intermittent time in-between work, and while commuting.

There is an industry that is spent on tackling boredom. You are always looking for novel things to explore in the city. And if you cannot find it within the city, you get out of the city.

 2. We Pay to Balance out the Stress at Work and Personal Life that We will not Spend Otherwise

In the book Your Money or Your Life, Jose Dominguez taught me that your actual high paying job might not actually pay that much, if you net off the cost of maintaining your sense of self so that you can continue in that job for a long time.

Your leisure, be it holidays or shopping in selected interest area, act as an outlet so that you do not collapse psychologically.

People in the finance world earned a lot, but their form of release can also be rather impressive. The form of release cost a lot and some of them have negative residual effects.

If they have not taken up such a high stress job, or they are so competent that they cope with the stress much better, they might not need these kinds of outlet for stress release.

For some, the lucrative nature of the job might still be worth it, and some of us can see ourselves slog in these job for 5 years before stepping down.

However, there are a group of people that will use the job as an excuse/reason to embark on holidays, shopping spree, food and drinks session.

They do not earn a lot. They have a problem coping with the demands of the job (even though they shouldn’t)

3. We suffer from some form of Trauma and we need a way to Cope

We might not know we have some deep seated problems unless we were diagnosed with them. And usually the coping mechanism is engage in filling up these void with some replacements that can be rather negative in the long run:

1. Always looking to eat or starving ourselves from food
2. A frequent and expensive shopping habit
3. Always get together with partners that are just detrimental to your family and your well-being. Again and again  seemingly never learning the lesson

The Repercussion of not Solving the Issues

All these different ways of filling the void are difficult to solve. This is because most of them are not aware of the problem, or are in denial that they have a problem in the first place.

A lot of these coping mechanisms results in expenses that take up a sizable amount of their take home income.

What was supposed to be good-to-have discretionary expenses becomes mandatory expenses.

The more expenses you have, it means the less wealth the person builds up.

In extreme cases (but not uncommon), when the expenses becomes more than the take home income, the person dug a hole that is difficult to get out of.

Such a person, could not see any light at the end of the tunnel:

1. He views all his expenses as necessary because he needs a lot of things
2. He does not have the bandwidth to reflect upon how things could improve for himself because he is always filling up spare time with boredom coping things
3. As far as he is concern, his problem is not associated with his identity, beliefs or values

Due to the above, financial goals are too large to be worth it for him to even make a first move.

The more holes you have in your life, the more it eventually becomes a money issue. And money issues become domino effect.

It is why the solution to pull ourselves out of  a financial problem is to tackle non-monetary stuff.

What we can do

1. Have Adequate Awareness

If you don’t know or don’t acknowledge that you have a problem, then it becomes difficult for you or any of those who wish to help you to do anything.

What I realize is quite helpful is the ability to view yourself from the third party perspective.

This is as if you are playing some action based games that you are able to see what your character is doing.

Then I can ask myself, does that seem like the behavior of someone that got his shit together?

You could identify the problem better, and then you can tackle it.

P.S. this technique seems useful as a way to self reflect on your performance in other areas of your life be it at work, the way you execute your investment process.

2. Embrace the time when you are Free

Instead of taking the easy route of trying to fill up every second of the time you are not doing anything, take some time to sit there and do nothing.

Let things come to you. If you fill up every second, problems will be embedded in the background and will not surface.

If it doesn’t surface you cannot action upon them.

I used to read more and listen a lot to podcasts. I learn to pull back and not do so much things.

What happens is that I begin to action on more things. And stuff gets done. And I gain more satisfaction because things on various fronts moved forward.

3. Be more Purposeful with Your Life

Life is not boring.

It is just that you didn’t dive deeper into some area of interest. Being purposeful means being more intentional about the direction of your career.

You can focus on one or two areas out of work, and go down these areas in greater depth.

Developing with greater depth increases your skillfulness.

This becomes something you can identify with.

No doubt, you might spend a little more money, but you might excel so much in it that in the future this can be a second career or you can become a teacher of this skill.

Bottomline

My problems didn’t result in large financial losses. It also didn’t develop into a decadent monetary leak as I tried to nip the problem in the bud.

The cause of most of the issues are frustration at work and a loss of focus. The solution is to be more intentional at work.

I wanted to enjoy lunch longer than it should. The problem here is perhaps that I was using the lunch period as some form of escape or taking an easy way out of life. The solution to this is much more challenging. I will need to reprogram my brain to tell myself that I have eaten a lot and that there are work that I can identify with, that I can look forward to after meals. This would involve re-arranging specific tasks that is more suited to carry out after meals.

Wealth starts from living a well optimized life. Find out how to re-design your life in little ways here

Do you have chronic problems that you failed to realize you are relying on money to resolve them?

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